Tanned, fit, rested & ready: Barfe for Waveney 2010

Well, it's looking like a goer. In only a few short hours, friends on Facebook, Twitter and Cook'd and Bomb'd have pledged donations to my election deposit fund to the tune of £344.22. With another donor pledging the final £100 when we reach £400, my candidature as the Protest Vote Party's man in Waveney for the 2010 General Election seems assured. Policy fans will notice a change of party name. This is because a law was passed in 2005, banning the use of the phrase "None of the Above" anywhere on a ballot paper. So, we (party leader Russ Swan and I, plus any other candidates who join the happy coalition before 4pm on Tuesday 20 April) are now the PVP. We will be offering a sane, rational alternative for anyone disillusioned with the big two and the slightly smaller third one. We like foreigners, we like democracy, we like representatives who represent, we don't like corruption and we don't like the clueless legislating on the complex. I will, in due course, be setting up a separate campaign blog.

Digital Economy Bill = Tesco Value politics

So, one of the most controversial and problematic pieces of legislation of the last 20 years was shunted through Parliament in 2 hours last night, without proper scrutiny and leaving 47 good parliamentarians with the distinct feeling they'd been shafted. History will be kind to you. Even David Amess. The 189 who voted in favour of the Digital Economy Bill (see below for who voted and how) might find that their decision will bite them on the arse come 6 May. I'm going to give my own MP a copy of Where Have All The Good Times Gone? with an inscription explaining that it will tell him why the record industry can't be trusted or believed, and expressing a fervent wish that he will soon have plenty of reading time to take it all in.



The site-blocking clause is particularly dangerous. It gives the Government power to block any site that contains inconvenient opinions on the basis that it also contains infringing material. If no-one in the UK can see the site, how can they tell if the Government's telling the truth or not? Also, one man's infringement is another man's fair use. As a result, Digital Britain isn't much better than Digital China.

If there's any consolation from this it's that this misguided law will be subject to another law, that of unintended consequences. The Digital Economy Bill was pushed through by people with no technical knowledge or ability whatsoever. Putting the case for the gubmint, Stephen Timms responded to a question about IP addresses in a way that made quite clear that he did not know what they were. The technical know-how is overwhelmingly on the side of those who opposed this bill. They can and, I suspect, will work out ways to make this law unworkable and unenforceable. They will prove this law to be an ass. I have the feeling that, before too long, the record companies and the politicians involved will wish they'd never bothered with the Digital Economy Bill.

Meanwhile, there could well be an alternative to the paper spoiling I outlined the other day. Fellow hack Russ Swan is getting together a coalition of protest candidates under the None of the Above Party banner. If I can scrape together the £500 for the deposit, I'm happy to be his man in Waveney. Pledges of financial support gratefully received. No donations yet, just an indication of willingness and amount.

AYES

Afriyie, Adam
Alexander, rh Mr. Douglas
Allen, Mr. Graham
Anderson, Mr. David
Austin, Mr. Ian
Bailey, Mr. Adrian
Bain, Mr. William
Baird, Vera
Barron, rh Mr. Kevin
Battle, rh John
Bayley, Hugh
Beckett, rh Margaret
Benton, Mr. Joe
Berry, Roger
Betts, Mr. Clive
Blackman, Liz
Blizzard, Mr. Bob
Bradshaw, rh Mr. Ben
Brennan, Kevin
Brown, rh Mr. Nicholas
Browne, rh Des
Bryant, Chris
Buck, Ms Karen
Butler, Ms Dawn
Byrne, rh Mr. Liam
Caborn, rh Mr. Richard
Cairns, David
Campbell, Mr. Alan
Cawsey, Mr. Ian
Chapman, Ben
Clapham, Mr. Michael
Clark, Paul
Clarke, rh Mr. Charles
Clelland, Mr. David
Clwyd, rh Ann
Coaker, Mr. Vernon
Coffey, Ann
Cohen, Harry
Connarty, Michael
Cooper, Rosie
Cooper, rh Yvette
Creagh, Mary
Cryer, Mrs. Ann
Cunningham, Mr. Jim
Cunningham, Tony
Davidson, Mr. Ian
Davies, Mr. Quentin
Dean, Mrs. Janet
Dobbin, Jim
Dobson, rh Frank
Doran, Mr. Frank
Eagle, Angela
Eagle, Maria
Efford, Clive
Ellman, Mrs. Louise
Fitzpatrick, Jim
Flint, rh Caroline
Follett, Barbara
Foster, Mr. Michael (Worcester)
Foster, Michael Jabez (Hastings and Rye)
Francis, Dr. Hywel
Gapes, Mike
Gardiner, Barry
George, rh Mr. Bruce
Gilroy, Linda
Goggins, rh Paul
Goodman, Helen
Hall, Mr. Mike
Hamilton, Mr. David
Hanson, rh Mr. David
Harman, rh Ms Harriet
Havard, Mr. Dai
Hayes, Mr. John
Healey, rh John
Henderson, Mr. Doug
Hendrick, Mr. Mark
Hesford, Stephen
Hill, rh Keith
Hillier, Meg
Hodgson, Mrs. Sharon
Hoon, rh Mr. Geoffrey
Hope, Phil
Hopkins, Kelvin
Hosie, Stewart
Humble, Mrs. Joan
Hunt, Mr. Jeremy
Hutton, rh Mr. John
Iddon, Dr. Brian
Illsley, Mr. Eric
Ingram, rh Mr. Adam
Irranca-Davies, Huw
Jackson, Glenda
James, Mrs. Siân C.
Johnson, rh Alan
Johnson, Ms Diana R.
Jones, Helen
Jones, Mr. Kevan
Jones, Mr. Martyn
Jowell, rh Tessa
Keeley, Barbara
Keen, Alan
Keen, Ann
Kelly, rh Ruth
Kemp, Mr. Fraser
Khan, rh Mr. Sadiq
Kidney, Mr. David
Ladyman, Dr. Stephen
Lammy, rh Mr. David
Laxton, Mr. Bob
Lepper, David
Levitt, Tom
Lewis, Mr. Ivan
Linton, Martin
Lucas, Ian
Mackinlay, Andrew
MacShane, rh Mr. Denis
Mann, John
McAvoy, rh Mr. Thomas
McCabe, Steve
McCarthy-Fry, Sarah
McDonnell, John
McFadden, rh Mr. Pat
McFall, rh John
McKechin, Ann
McNulty, rh Mr. Tony
Merron, Gillian
Michael, rh Alun
Milburn, rh Mr. Alan
Miller, Andrew
Moffatt, Laura
Mole, Chris
Morden, Jessica
Mountford, Kali
Mudie, Mr. George
Mullin, Mr. Chris
Munn, Meg
Naysmith, Dr. Doug
Norris, Dan
O'Brien, rh Mr. Mike
O'Hara, Mr. Edward
Osborne, Sandra
Owen, Albert
Pearson, Ian
Pope, Mr. Greg
Prentice, Bridget
Primarolo, rh Dawn
Purchase, Mr. Ken
Purnell, rh James
Raynsford, rh Mr. Nick
Reed, Mr. Jamie
Reid, rh John
Robertson, John
Ruddock, Joan
Salter, Martin
Seabeck, Alison
Sharma, Mr. Virendra
Sheridan, Jim
Simon, Mr. Siôn
Skinner, Mr. Dennis
Smith, Ms Angela C. (Sheffield, Hillsborough)
Smith, rh Angela E. (Basildon)
Spellar, rh Mr. John
Stewart, Ian
Stoate, Dr. Howard
Strang, rh Dr. Gavin

Straw, rh Mr. Jack
Sutcliffe, Mr. Gerry
Tami, Mark
Thomas, Mr. Gareth
Timms, rh Mr. Stephen
Touhig, rh Mr. Don
Trickett, Jon
Ussher, Kitty
Vaizey, Mr. Edward
Watts, Mr. Dave
Whitehead, Dr. Alan
Wicks, rh Malcolm
Williams, rh Mr. Alan
Williams, Mrs. Betty
Wills, rh Mr. Michael
Wilson, Phil
Winnick, Mr. David
Winterton, rh Ms Rosie
Woodward, rh Mr. Shaun
Woolas, Mr. Phil
Wright, David
Wright, Mr. Iain
Wright, Dr. Tony
Wyatt, Derek

Tellers for the Ayes:
Lyn Brown and
Kerry McCarthy

NOES

Abbott, Ms Diane
Amess, Mr. David
Barrett, John
Beith, rh Sir Alan
Breed, Mr. Colin
Burgon, Colin
Burstow, Mr. Paul
Carmichael, Mr. Alistair
Cash, Mr. William
Challen, Colin
Chope, Mr. Christopher
Corbyn, Jeremy
Davey, Mr. Edward
Davies, Mr. Dai
Davis, rh Mr. David
Dismore, Mr. Andrew
Drew, Mr. David
Fallon, Mr. Michael
Featherstone, Lynne
Foster, Mr. Don
Gerrard, Mr. Neil
Grogan, Mr. John
Hancock, Mr. Mike
Harris, Dr. Evan
Hoey, Kate
Howarth, David
Howarth, rh Mr. George
Hughes, Simon
Jones, Lynne
Joyce, Eric
Keetch, Mr. Paul
Kilfoyle, Mr. Peter
Lazarowicz, Mark
Love, Mr. Andrew
Marshall-Andrews, Mr. Robert
Mitchell, Mr. Austin
Öpik, Lembit
Paisley, rh Rev. Ian
Palmer, Dr. Nick
Price, Adam
Reed, Mr. Andy
Russell, Bob
Simpson, Alan
Thurso, John
Todd, Mr. Mark
Truswell, Mr. Paul
Watson, Mr. Tom

Tellers for the Noes:
John Hemming and
Mr. John Leech

Sammy at the BBC

After a bit of digging, I've found that the 'Maria' clip comes from Meet Sammy Davis Jr part 2, which was made the year after the show that BBC4's repeating tonight. So, here, from The A-Z of LE, transmitted as part of Lime Grove Day in 1991, is the clip in question. The bongo player is Juan Mendoza, and on first viewing, I thought that the shot had been achieved using overlay or inlay techniques, but the shadow cast on Sammy's arm at 0:50 clinches it. Mendoza is physically sitting in front of the camera, which is mounted on a camera crane being moved backwards and forwards. I'd love to know who the senior cameraman on this was. Someone like ELS904 will have a shrewd idea.

Dissolution

So, 6 May it is. Which way will you be voting? For the first time in my life, I am, very seriously, considering spoiling my paper. There's just nothing on offer for me. The party of which I was once a member has spent the last 13 years reducing freedom and privacy, as well as raping the economy. The Conservatives would shit on everybody who hasn't been shat on by Labour, and I can't abide the thought of the least worthy Tory leader of the last 15 years being in the right place at the right time to become PM. I think I'd rather countenance Iain Duncan-Smith running the country than David Cameron. Yes, that bad.

What about the Liberal Democrats? My constituency is a two-horse race and, with the best will in the world, they aren't going to make up the ground they'd need. If it were closer, they'd have my cross, just to revive that February 1974 vibe. As for the rest, they can all fuck right off. UKIP are headcases - we should be sunk to the nuts in Europe, not waiting around for the USA's sloppy seconds. BNP? No thanks. Despite being blond and white, I quite like people who aren't.

I can't allow myself not to show up at the ballot box. I might be powerfully disillusioned, but I still hold to the view that this shit is important. I couldn't enjoy the TV coverage (as I always do) if I hadn't made some effort to be a part of the democratic process. Back in the students' union election days, there was always a candidate called RON. This stood for 're-open nominations'. If I were to spoil my paper (almost certainly by writing "They're all shite" across it in purple fountain pen) on 6 May, it would be a de facto vote for RON. If you're thinking of not voting, go along and write "They're all shite" on your paper.

No one-eyed little black Jew jokes

Tomorrow night (Tuesday), BBC4, 11pm, Meet Sammy Davis Jr - original tx: 5 May 1963. A one-off special produced by Dennis Main Wilson. I'm not sure, but I think it's the source of the clip in The A-Z of LE from Lime Grove Day, with Sammy singing 'Maria' from West Side Story accompanied only by a bongo player. The bongo player remains close to the camera throughout, while Sammy gets nearer and further. For years I'd assumed it was inlay or overlay, but someone on Bernie Newnham's excellent Tech Ops site, possibly Bernie himself, mentioned that one of the types of camera crane used at the BBC had a bucket seat at the camera end, so it's possible that the bongo player was physically on the crane. Watch tomorrow and see what you think.

Some great background on the show from the producer here.

Merciful release?

Nobody emerges well from this story. Not even the mother who paid the killers £20 a week to look after the child while she decorated her home for a month. Did the windows not open? A few paint fumes are far less harmful than being kicked to kingdom come by a Tesco Value Ian and Myra. I'm afraid to say that if that's the level of care the child could have been expecting through his formative years, this child's life was going to be fairly wretched. The appalling suffering he had to endure now may well have saved him from lifelong torture.

Free to lance

Being a man, important dates float by me without ceremony. Family birthdays, etc. I'm not being thoughtless or selfish. I'd forget my own birthday if not for the reminders from family and friends. I now realise that one rather important occasion floated past without comment the other day. I was filling in a very boring form, and it asked me how long I've been in my present employment. As I left Publishing News on 22 March 2002, I've now been a full-time freelance writer for 8 years and 3 days. I use the phrase full-time advisedly, for the main joy of doing what I do is that I don't keep regular hours. Also, working at home means that I get to see a lot of my daughter as she grows up. So, 8 years without a regular guaranteed income, and I'm still keeping my head above water (just about). I think that's worthy of celebration. Nothing fancy. Lidl has ersatz Pomagne for £1 a bottle. That's about my level. Cheers.

Hackery alert

My glowing review of Lewis Chester's new biography of Lew Grade appeared in today's Independent on Sunday. It's a cracking book, and a must for anyone with an interest in the business they call the show.

All's well that ends well

Just in case anyone gives a toss, this finally turned up today during a spring-clean of my study. I just need to find my missing fountain pen now, and all will be safely gathered in.

Gerrymandering or Geffen-Mandy-ing?

Last night's Panorama on downloading and the Digital Economy Bill was predictably shrill and ill-informed. The sight of Jo Whiley practically dancing with the bloke from the BPI during a presentation on why downloading was bad, m'kay, was particularly sick-making. The most interesting bit for me, though, was the fact that screen shots of YouTube kept popping up as examples of naughty digital activity. This is not unjustified, but it didn't acknowledge the fact that BBC programmes routinely use clips gathered from YouTube, which were put there by people other than the original rights holders. Meanwhile, in programmes like Screenwipe, I've seen clips clearly sourced from Divx/XviD files of the sort used in BitTorrenting. So, is the BBC's Internet connection going to be cut off?

Maybe I'm old-fashioned. I don't download things that are commercially available. If I want something and it can be bought, I buy it. However, I do share and download an awful lot of commercially-unavailable archive TV, some of which will never be released due to rights tangles or the fact that I'm the only person who wants to watch it. What I'm doing is technically an infringement, but it's not taking any money away from the content producers, and it's creating an awareness of the material. If companies want to stop people like me downloading, they should make their archives available at reasonable prices. It's the same argument I've used since the record industry got humpty about Napster a decade ago. Indeed, some unofficially-shared material has gone on to be a great success when finally released on DVD or CD, largely because of the increased audience who became aware of it through file-sharing.

I gave up on the programme before the end, but the upshot of it seemed to be that if you download illegal stuff, you will be visited by a fat IT man called Keith. Isn't that deterrent enough?

Dear Diary

Inspired by the Michael Palin 1980-1988 chronicles I received for Christmas, a desire to rescue my handwriting from ruin after years of typing and the fact that Asda had day-to-view diaries for £1, I've been keeping a journal this year. I wondered whether I'd be able to keep it up, but 11 days into the 3rd month of the year, I can report with some pride that I haven't missed a day yet. Sometimes I forget to jot down my thoughts (such as they are) at the end of the day, and have to play catch up, but I've managed to fill every page so far. Most of the contents seem mundane and humdrum now, but in time, I suspect they'll acquire a greater level of interest, particularly the bits about sharing my living and work space with a small, inquisitive, very funny child. Even if they don't acquire any interest, the regular practice has improved my scribble immeasurably, and gives my small fleet of fountain pens an outing other than writing shopping lists on the backs of envelopes or drawing splotchy moustaches and antennae on Z-list celebrities in the paper. I know that a blog's a form of diary, but are there any other analogue diarists out there?

Sense amid the senseless

Anyone who wishes to venture an opinion either way on the Jon Venables situation should read and digest this superb blog post by a social worker. This Guardian comment piece by Simon Jenkins is worth a look too, as is Brian Masters' contribution to the debate in the Telegraph. Everything else I have seen in the mainstream media has been fit only for cutting into squares and hanging from a nail in the outside privy. If I've missed any other intelligent contributions to the debate, please let me know.

Mike Giggler writes

I've just had a text message from Terry Venables saying that he's Eddie Calvert, the man with the golden trumpet. At least I think that's what it said. The spelling was atrocious. Anyway, let's go round and attack his house. Throw paint at it, I say. Cherry pink and apple blossom white. That's the way.

Special Kay (slight return)

The contemporary reporting of the John Kay case is oddly muted. The Times carried a news in brief paragraph on 12 September 1977, stating that Sun chief reporter Kay was to stand trial for the murder of his wife, but that's it as far as the nation's journal of record goes. For a bit more background, we must turn to page 4 of the Guardian of 13 December 1977, and a report headlined "'Torment' of reporter who killed wife".

The Grauniad reports Kay's QC Daniel Hollis as saying that "Mr Kay was cracking up at the prospect of taking over as the Sun's industrial editor - a job he did not feel able to hold down". Kay himself claimed to be "taken over by voices. I seemed possessed. It was an utter nightmare".

Then the report comes to the details of what happened on the night in question. Having despatched his Japanese wife Harue in a swift and efficient manner "by strangling and drowning her", Kay then "tried repeatedly to kill himself". The paragraph listing Kay's attempts bears repeating in full:

"He slashed his wrists with razor blades but did not inflict serious injury; he flung himself head first out of a window, but a plastic dustbin broke his fall; he tried to gas himself but an automatic lighting device on the cooker prevented him; he tried to hang himself with flex but could not get into the right position; and then he drove to a bridge over the Stevenage bypass but found it was too low to fling himself over. In his final attempt he drove his car into the back of a parked car at 80 mph, but 'miraculously' survived with relatively minor injuries."

Sober, sensitive reporting, as you'd expect from the 1977-vintage Guardian. Can you imagine how The Sun would have reported this case, had it not involved a valued member of the paper's own staff? Do I hear the word 'loony'? Meanwhile, I'm wondering if the creators of Viz read this report and remembered it when creating the hapless Suicidal Syd?

Special Kay

The Sun's coverage of the Jon Venables situation is the embodiment of all that's worst about modern journalism. In the right situation, bumping into the boundaries of acceptability and legality can be a valuable safeguard of free speech and freedom of information, as it can bring out into the open details that the public not only have a right to know, but, as citizens, should know. This isn't that situation. We're looking at simple bloodlust - an eye for an eye. Already, idiots on Facebook are claiming to know Venables' new identity and getting other idiots to pass it on. With any luck, they'll soon have experience of incarceration themselves, as it's impossible to see such an act as anything other than incitement to violence.

Meanwhile, The Sun's coverage is being overseen by the paper's chief reporter John Kay. The same John Kay who, in 1977, drowned his Japanese wife Harue in the bath of their Barnet home before attempting to gas himself. Driven mad by the pressure of work as the paper's industrial correspondent, he could see no other way out for himself or his wife, who had been cut off by her family for marrying a westerner. He was convicted of manslaughter with diminished responsibility, and, on his release from Friern Barnet mental hospital, was welcomed back by his employer. The problem for me isn't that Kay killed his wife. I'm happy to accept that he was temporarily deranged. I've been temporarily deranged too, and it's a dark place to inhabit. The problem is that The Sun showed a greater degree of enlightenment and understanding when one of its own transgressed than it would ever have done in any other circumstances. Imagine the reporting of a similar case where the killer was AN Other.

There's also the question of whether Denise Fergus realises that the man to whom she is pouring out her feelings about the killers of her son is a convicted killer himself?

You can tell by the hands and the Foot

Woo's right. I can't mention the Michael Foot in Madame JoJo's story without elaborating. The occasion was the launch of Francis Wheen's Who Was Dr Charlotte Bach? As the book concerned a male posing as a female, it was thought apt to hold the beano in a venue best known for its glamorous cross-dressing hostesses. I can quite honestly say that the sight of Michael Foot sat on a velvet banquette, immersed in deep political discussion with another guest, while flanked by a group of very tall transvestites, all ostrich feathers and concealed bulges, will remain etched on my retinas for a long time.

Michael Foot RIP

Sad news about Michael Foot. Others can concentrate on the long life and good works. I'll just say that I was present at what I suspect was his only ever visit to Madame JoJo's.

Don't have your say, you're an idiot

A pearler from the BBC's Have Your Say site, re: the proposed cuts

"1846. At 3:29pm on 02 Mar 2010, iknowsbest wrote:

And those stupid dancing spectacles are utter rubbish and are only transmitted for to inflate the egos of the judges & celebs. Thank be to God I know none of them personally or TV wise, they're all "Goosesteppers".

& as regard serving the British public with quality..."That'll be the Day". The last time that happened was when Bill Cotton ruled the roost both as television producer & then Managing Director. A time when the BBC excelled!"

This seems to be saying "I hate big, expensive Saturday night entertainment shows. Bring back the big, expensive Saturday night entertainment shows." Imagine being trapped in a lift with numbskulls like iknowsbest. Hideous.

6Music (slight return)

I'm going to have a proper read of the BBC's Strategic Review later, but it confirms the worst fears for 6Music and the Asian Network. If the BBC shouldn't be doing what the commercial sector does, shouldn't they be cutting things like EastEnders, Casualty and Holby City? Also, if the objection to 6Music and the Asian Network is that they don't do the numbers, what about if they did them too well? If either station pulled in large audiences, wouldn't it be equally in danger? So, the question is whether there's a mythical point at which the audiences of niche stations are deemed to be "just right", like Baby Bear's porridge? Another question is whether the BBC's doomed whatever it does because its enemies simply have too much money and influence (see how Lord Mandelson's deeply unpleasant Digital Economy Bill - more of which later - is stacked in favour of large private media organisations). I fear that might be the case, so why not go down proud and defiant rather than disembowelling yourself?

6Music and the Asian Network must be saved

I'm wondering about the source for the Times' story on BBC cutbacks. Is it as 24 carat as Rawnsley's source for Bruiser Brown, or are Murdoch's henchpersons merely flying a kite? It would be a dark day for broadcasting and choice (Remember that? The thing that free markets were supposed to bring us?) if either 6Music or the Asian Network closed.

Even if you listen to neither, the fact that they exist is important. If we let either go, it's the thin end of the wedge. Pastor Niemoller's advice applies. When the barbarians come for BBC4, its viewers will be on our own. People who regard the licence fee as an acceptable tithe for civilisation, not an unfair tax, really need to stand out for this issue from the outset. Both stations are run on tiny budgets. 6Music is run on £6m a year. I'd love to know how much Big Top cost the Corporation. Is anyone saying "Don't make sitcoms starring Amanda Holden, as it's a misuse of public money if they tank"? Perhaps they should.

Quite apart from the Times' obvious bias, we also see the Grauniad barely able to contain its glee. That'll be the same Guardian that owns the Real Radio, Smooth Radio and Rock Radio brands, as well as the Guardian Unlimited online news service. Funny, that.

The BBC's critics seem very muddled. The Corporation can't compete with the commercial sector, nor can it provide distinctive niche services. What exactly can it do? Maybe it should start by growing a pair and saying "We're the BBC. This is what we do. Got a problem with that, Rupert?".