You can tell by the hands and the Foot

Woo's right. I can't mention the Michael Foot in Madame JoJo's story without elaborating. The occasion was the launch of Francis Wheen's Who Was Dr Charlotte Bach? As the book concerned a male posing as a female, it was thought apt to hold the beano in a venue best known for its glamorous cross-dressing hostesses. I can quite honestly say that the sight of Michael Foot sat on a velvet banquette, immersed in deep political discussion with another guest, while flanked by a group of very tall transvestites, all ostrich feathers and concealed bulges, will remain etched on my retinas for a long time.

So, John Sergeant has pulled out of Strictly Come Dancing. It was a lose-lose situation. His ongoing presence made a mockery of the dance competition, but his absence now makes a mockery of the voters' wishes. Still, let's keep a sense of proportion. It shouldn't be the lead story on every bulletin, but it will be.

If his exit is the result of a decent man deciding his own fate, fair enough, but if it was another case of the BBC shitting itself in the face of adverse newspaper coverage, the fact will emerge eventually and make matters far far worse for Auntie.

Meanwhile, TalkSport's long-overdue sacking of Jon Gaunt, the Poundland Don Imus, means that he now has more time to spend with his gorgeous wife Lisa and his beautiful daughters Rosie and Bethany. Lucky them. I well remember peeing myself laughing when I read this and present it again for your amusement.