Friday, March 28, 2008

Being a freelance type, I know far too much about daytime television. I hate most of it and the personalities involved. If Lorne Spicer ever turned up on my doorstep asking to see what I've got in my attic, I'd show her the redundant and very heavy Sony Betamax machine that lives up there by dropping it on her head.













I thought Trisha Goddard was the worst person ever to appear on television, but then along comes Jeremy Kyle to set the bar so low that a rattlesnake couldn't limbo-dance under it. 'Jezza' is very fond of telling the malcontents and, let's not mince words, attention-seeking scum appearing on his show, that their behaviour would be unacceptable "where I come from". Wherever it is, I wish he'd fuck off back there. And don't get me started on the Cuprinol-dipped wide boy that is David 'the Dame' Dickinson.

Despite all of this, I find it impossible to dislike Bargain Hunt's bow-tied presenter Tim Wonnacott. I don't make an appointment to view the show, but equally, if it's on, I don't throw macaroons at the screen. My lack of distaste for Wonnacott - who is, after all, just Dickinson with A levels - baffled me utterly until the other morning when the penny dropped. He is Basil Brush. Mode of dress, gap in front teeth, Terry-Thomas voice, all present and correct. And, of course, almost everyone loves Basil Brush.

UPDATE - 24/4/2008: the Betamax machine mentioned in this posting has now been disposed of at the Lowestoft recycling centre. Dropping it, and the remains of my two previous PCs, from a height of 15 feet onto a concrete floor was immensely satisfying. No flowers.

9 comments:

Clair said...

I love Tim, too. It's impossible not to love the old sweetie. Posh boys are like that. But I must admit that I find Kyle horribly compelling, especially the way he says 'Morning, sweetheart', 'Thanks for coming,' to members of the audience as he re-creates the Nuremberg rally when he walks on.

It's those ker-azy Loose Women who drive me to want to commit mass murder.

LF Barfe said...

Hmmm, 'The Jeremy Kyle Show' as Nuremberg rally. Well, it usually brings me out in a rash of support for the concept of eugenics. As for the Loose Slags, you know why their mugs have their names on? It's in case they forget.

Kecske said...

My Mum often asks me to remind her when "House Party" is on - it must be lovely for Tacky Brambles and the rest to be confused with Mary Morris or Anne Ladbury.

LF Barfe said...

Just be grateful I didn't have a mouthful of coffee then, Dave, as you'd have been billed for a new monitor. In her wrongness, your mother is absolutely right.

Apres la Guerre said...

I must be the exception. I never liked Basil Brush, and now I've worked out who Tim Wonnacott is, I despise him too.

As for the new version of Basil Brush, I watched an episode in disbelief with a gay friend of mine who said, "Since when was Basil Brush supposed to be camper than Christmas?"

Roman Empress said...

Please help.

I am at home all day and I neither brew cider or watch daytime tv. Where am I going wrong?

LF Barfe said...

Well, you can make perfectly acceptable cider using shop-bought apple juice. Just get a demi-john, a bung, an airlock, some yeast and some sterliser (sodium metabisulphite). I'm on beer at the moment, and have just made one of these - http://tinyurl.com/58856w. I can't recommend daytime TV as soul salvation, but home brewing's right up there with baking and gardening in the profit column of life's balance sheet.

Roman Empress said...

Oh thanks, I can't wait to start brewing but maybe myself and Mr Norman should move to the country first. Living in central London and home-brewing, hmmmm, that's having too much of a good thing going.

LF Barfe said...

Nah, do it. Some might call that squaring the circle.